My Story

Thus, the next chapter of my life started, consisting of raw, unadulterated adventure: wild camping, hostelling, communal living, month-long treks and bicycle journeys, and falling head over toes in love followed by inevitable heartbreak.

I learnt how to live on ten dollars a day. I learnt how to keep myself clean despite sleeping under the stars for ten nights straight. I learnt that I am very afraid of the forest at night. I learnt that life in modern culture is not for me. I learnt that floating around the world with no attachments is a lot of fun, but that it’s not what I came here to do.

A year and a half later, I made it to Egypt—not exactly the Africa I was thinking of, but by that time I had become more than used to plans changing. Life seemed to have its own plan for me. This became more than evident when I uttered a fateful ‘yes’ to a friend who asked me to join an inner child healing workshop in Dahab on the Sinai Peninsula, despite initially thinking ‘I don’t need that stuff’ (ah, the good old superiority). As it turned out, I did need that stuff.

Three years passed. I settled in Dahab, proposed to my partner, completed a half-year education with my mentor (think somatic bodywork, focusing, nonviolent communication) all the while studying and practicing spiritual stuff to no end (think Rudolf Steiner, Sri Aurobindo, Ramana Maharishi) and following my writing passion.

I learnt that a routine doesn’t have to be a soul-crushing affair. I learnt that discipline enables me to do the things that nourish me. I learnt that I had to feel if I want to grow. I learnt that living in partnership is awesome and a pain in the ass. I learnt that I love to hold space for others in their healing and transformation. I learnt that spirituality is cool but somehow not enough on its own. I learnt that healing is cool but somehow not enough on its own.

Everything evaporated in a split second when it became clear that my partner and I would not go on.

Following an intense dream, I went to India (an ex-Swiss banker seeking in India—a walking cliché), where an overwhelming, personality-dissolving journey of surrender and devotion ensued, leading me to what I had always been looking for, without even knowing what exactly it was—Love. My parents were less than enthusiastic to hear that I had burned all my certificates, given away most of my money and possessions, and planned to become a monk in the Himalayan foothills (of course I thought of it more as being a master—ah, the good old superiority).

I learnt that life is love. I learnt about the immense amount of spiritual wealth in ancient yogic schools. I learnt that I am here for a purpose, and that serving that purpose is the most fulfilling experience imaginable. I learnt that everything I could ever seek is within. I learnt just how attached I was to a piece of paper with a number printed on it.

Right afterwards, a training in the game world of Possibility Management made me ride an equally intense wave on the other side of the duality—here rather than there, earth rather than sky, pain rather than bliss. For a month, my bullshit was lovingly and mercilessly called out by 50 people. I realized that no, I was not done healing, but had just started. I realized that no, I am not pure love, but that I have an underworld that kind of runs my life. I realized that no, the earth now does not need another recluse in the mountains, but somebody to do something.

I got distinctions to think with, awareness to feel with and tools to work with. Applying those in my everyday life has not only proved practicable, but has also created an immense amount of clarity and intimacy, and continues to be the single biggest key to grounding the universal love that has touched me so deeply in India.

Looking back, I see how my journey helped me distill the essence of what I am here to do. For no matter the different circumstances and the stories I made around them, the longing to see the next culture manifest here on this earth has always been within the core of my being.